Cristina: There's a club. The "Dead Dads" club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize but until you feel that loss- My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club.
George: I. [pause] I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't.
Cristina: Yeah, that never really changes.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
× I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.  (dude, you're scaring me.)

( it goes on... )

this is a really cool website.

(hello everyone! I'm hoping to write an update later... but right now I have to finish a presentation on the history of the vacuum cleaner for my props class)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my oldest friend (we've known each other 20 years; can you believe that?), my henchman, slave (photocopying holocaust picture books, haha), chauffeur, mentor, partner-in-crime (smushed bananas), fashion consultant, love adviser, school counselor, therapist (all we need is the couch), debater, complete opposite, identical twin, and one of my favourite people in the whole wide world: seekinghim.

i can still remember the day i first saw you in the hospital (aged 3-1/2 -- one of my earliest memories). my reaction? why does she have red hair?? (though that didn't last long, obviously). second thought? what am i going to do with a baby sister? (i soon figured that out, right, henry? ;-))

love you, nanny.

I feel so mixed up. I have no idea what I want to do with myself after I graduate - and I'm not even talking long-term; don't even get me started on that - I'm talking about this summer/fall. I have zillions of options, each with different positives and negatives, and right now all seem equally inviting.

a) I could go visit Marcella in San Diego. She's mentioned several times that she's reserving July-August for a visit, and I'd love to spend some time with her out there. She wants to travel all over CA, as I've only seen the LA airport. This would mean airfare (but I have lots of free miles), but little other expense.

b) Actors' Theatre, where I've been ushering in the park for the past few years, has finally offered my a stage management or house management position. This is a huge time committment with lots of responsibility, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that... but it's definitely the next logical step (considering my involvement with that company), it's highly flattering, it pays, and wouldn't cost anything. Oh, and it'd look excellent on my resume.

c) I could loaf around and do nothing here in Ohio - maybe start working full-time at the library or somewhere, to save up money. That also wouldn't put me in debt, and it'd be a welcome change from school. My mom cautioned me against "settling down" too quickly, though: "you have your whole life to work 40 hour weeks."

d) OSU offers a post-graduation trip to Europe - 11 countries in 25 days. Yes, it'd be kind of a crazy pace and I'd be traveling with total strangers, but it sounds like an amazing opportunity. However, it costs $3000.00, not including airfare. Hannah said I should save my money and go on my own terms, but in some ways I appreciate the idea of not having to do the arranging/thinking.

e) I still kind of want to apply for the internship in Seattle, which runs from Sept-May. There's a chance, of course, that I won't be accepted... but if I am, it'd be a great next step in my theatrical training/experience. However, it would cost to live there, and they only pay a small stipend (and they discourage interns from taking outside jobs, as the work schedule is so rigorous). Also, there are hundreds of similar internships all over the country... some of which actually pay room and board.

f) I'm still considering grad school. I think I've missed the deadlines for entrance this fall, but if I really want to attend next year, I need to begin investigating now.

g) a combination of the above, but not all (that won't work schedule-wise)

So... yeah. I guess having options is better than not having them, but sometimes the freedom is overwhelming.

Oh, my gosh - this is hilarious! I was looking online for sample letters of intent (I'm thinking about applying for a theatre internship in Seattle), and instead I came across this: a love letter template. Can you imagine? What if you just copied and pasted in the person's name... doesn't that happen to Ruby Gillis? Crazy. I'll paste it below, since I know all of you are dying to finally know the correct way to write a love letter.

====
1735 Stanton Ave.
Richmond, VA 22045

May 15, 2005

My Dear Cheryl,

Loving you is so easy.

There are so many reasons why I love you…

The little things you do, the simple gestures you make, the feelings and thoughts that you share with me. I adore the way you look, the way you move, and your infectious smile.

There are so many things to love about you!

Do you know I love it when you daydream and you think no one is watching?

Do you know I love the way your eyes sparkle when you tell a funny story?

Do you know that I love the shape of your ears?

Do you know I love to watch you sleep?

I could go on and on.

It's important to me that you know that I love you - and how much I love you.

So whatever it is that you are doing, thinking or saying, as you go about your day -- know that I am there with you, loving you.

Much Love,

Nathan

*GAG*

often when i step back and look at my life, i feel undeserving, grateful, lucky, blessed, etc.

but other times, i feel like i've painted myself into a corner, and i wonder how did i get here? how on earth am i going to get out? and can i demand a "do-over"?

i hear about other people with other lives and I think, "hey, waitaminute: that's the life i'm supposed to be living. what happened?"

sure, you say, the grass always looks greener in the snapshots... you're just seeing the bird's eye view, and everything makes more sense from above... but it makes me pause and ask myself if i'm confident in the direction i'm going.

i don't like feeling like i'm muddling through, killing time

but sometimes, i just don't know what else to do.

(note: this sounds blah-ier than i feel)

wow, it takes a strong stomach to read my friends list these days.

(I'm definitely not saying I don't want to be included, just that it feels like Valentine's Day 24/7! ;-P ;-))

Poem of Farewell

A great passion
resembles indifference:
In front of the mute cup
no smile comes to one's lips.
It is the candle that burns
with the pangs of farewell:
Right up to dawn, on our behalf,
it sheds tears.

-Du Mu (Chinese poet of the Tang Dynasty)

the Woody Allen movie, that is. I haven't seen it yet, but Eliza read a few quotes out loud, and I found them pretty funny - especially this one:

Sonja: "To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."

I wonder if this html code will work...

Department	Course	Title	Credit Hours	Points	Call Number	Grade
THEATRE	222	TECH PRODUCTION 3	05	20.0	19403-0	A
THEATRE	671	THEATRE TOPICS 1	05		19446-1	*
YIDDISH	399	HOLCST IN LIT&FILM	05	20.0	20196-8	A

• pot of coffee
  
• pack of bubblegum
  
• tissues
  
• space heater
  
• syllabus ("4000 words, 12 pt. font, double-spaced")
  
• 26 books on court masques, Ben Jonson, Inigo Jones, James I, and anything else remotely related to my topic
  

I think I'm finally ready to start this paper.

which is due today.

[edit] Whoops, I forgot a most important question: "So... can I do it, Eliza???" ;-) ;-)

afterparty

three balloons
still bright, shiny
just deflated.
emptied of air
(life?)
they langour on the chair
withering over its arm
their strings a tangle
that speaks of breathless festivity
artifacts of
joy

This isn't for anybody on LJ, really; I just thought it'd be fun to share my wish list - like if I suddenly found $200 on the sidewalk or something. :)

• "Reading is Sexy" t-shirt (or button)
  
  
• Hot cinnamon spice tea
  
  
• Cinnamon buns moisturizer or lip balm (can you tell I love the smell of cinnamon? ;-))
  
  
• "I can't: I have rehearsal" t-shirt
  
  
• Victoria's Secret perfume/body spray ("pure seduction" fragrance)
  
  
• Victoria's Secret scented shimmer brush ("love spell" fragrance)
  
  
• Yarn
  
  
• Bigger knitting needles (than my current size 7)
  
  
• Beautiful handmade paper from Barnes and Noble
  
  
• Victorian lady magnets
  
  
• Garden State soundtrack
  
  
• Brandi Carlile CD
  
  
• Death Cab for Cutie Transatlanticism CD (don't ask me why they have such a weird band name)
  

Second-to-last week of school, inner monologue:

"This class is pointless! Why am I here? I could be doing so many other things... What on EARTH am I going to do with a B.A. in theatre anyway? I'll probably end up working at Wendy's. And I never got to study abroad, either. Phooey. Higher education is such a joke. Ahhh, I'm stressedstressedstressed. I'll never finish all these projects on time. Prof. Fill-in-the-Blank has got to be the dullest lecturer. Ever. How did s/he manage to get tenure? When I fill out the SEI form, I'm going to be brutally honest. Why won't those people stop whispering? If you're not going to at least pretend to be listening to the teacher, why show up at all? I hate group projects. I'm never satisfied with the results. Didn't we already go over this point weeks ago? I swear we did. I'm am going to fail, I know it. Is it 3:18 yet???? Please let the class be cancelled. Look, he's not here and it's 10 after - can we leave? Oh, drat, he just walked in the door. My eyes are closing... I am falling asleep. I just want to be d-o-n-e! As soon as they hand me my diploma, I'm outta here; I'll never darken the halls of a university again. In fact, I hereby vow to promptly forget how to do MLA citations and to never double-space anything again. Grad school? Ha. You must be joking. Why prolong the torture?"

Last week of school (before a restorative winter break), inner monologue:

"I love it here! I've met so many nice people since coming to college. And all my classmates are so sweet and funny; I'm going to miss the camaraderie these next couple of weeks. I hope we become better friends next quarter. I think I chose the perfect major. I'm so blessed to have had the opportunity to spend 4 years pursuing my education - some people have to start working right away. And aren't the buildings here charming? In that lovely, about-to-crumble sense of the word. Our faculty is great; they really seem to care about the students. I can't believe this is my last class with Dr. So-and-So. He seemed to enjoy my presentation... maybe we're more kindred spirits than I thought? I'm so privileged to have gotten to soak up some of his extensive knowledge about this obscure topic. I think our group project was the best one in class; why do I always end up with such great teammates? I'll miss scrambling around with them, trying to finish a poster at 11:45pm. You know, I should start applying to grad schools soon. In fact, maybe I should think about going to grad school here! Hey, why stop with a master's? I should get my Ph.D! Ahh, I can't believe I graduate in two quarters. That seems much too soon; did I really appreciate this experience to the fullest? Man, I almost wish I were a freshman again."

Hehe. I always get the warm-fuzzies the last week of school, especially when that happens to coincide with the beginning of the holiday season. You'd never guess that I still have finals week left to go....

Stray thought while riding bus:

What if the shaggy, baritone-voiced gentleman who plays the tuba for money at various downtown locations is actually a banker or lawyer or something? You never know....

This has been "Stray thoughts with Maggie." Stay tuned 'till next time, when Maggie ruminates on the politics of the pen shortage at the library.

(must credit Hannah for finding this)

Act III, Scene ii

Someone has altered the script.
My lines have been changed.
The other actors are shifting roles.
They don't come on when they're expected to,
and they don't say the lines I've written
and I'm being upstaged.
I thought I was writing this play
with a rather nice role for myself
small, but juicy
and some excellent lines.
But nobody has given me my cues
and the scenery has been replaced.
I don't recognize the new sets.
This isn't the script I was writing.
I don't understand this plot at all.

To grow up
is to find
the small part you are playing
in this extraordinary drama
written by
somebody else.

-Madeleine L'Engle

I think I annoy me more than anyone I know.

1) ugly days will always occur the same day that your work supervisor tells she wants to introduce you to (read: set you up with) the guy at the reserves desk (in whom you have zero interest, but still...)

2) ugly days will inevitably be the ones in which the school photographer approaches to ask if she could snap some photos of you, possibly to be used in some commencement or orientation program booklet-thingy ("We want something summery; what's more summery than reading a book outside?" "How about I get out of your way, and you can take a pretty picture of this tree?")

3) ugly days are most likely also the days you have no money on you, with which to purchase a bolstering cup of espresso

I love my new job.

I work at the circulation desk, which means I check books in & out for patrons and process reserves. There's a lot to remember (especially because we handle so many inter-library loan items), but all of it is fairly simple. My co-workers are pleasant, too: we've had fun conversations about books, weddings, traveling abroad, movies, etc. I really like the atmosphere of the library; it's fun to chat with the brainy grad/doctoral students and professors, who come in daily to check out stacks of weighty tomes on obscure subjects.

My summer schedule will go something like this:

Monday
8-10 work
12-4 work
7-10 rehearsal (for She Stoops to Conquer)

Tuesday
8-10 work
3-4 modern dance
7-10 rehearsal

and so on.

Saturdays and Sundays, I'll be ushering in the park for Romeo & Juliet. Relaxed, but productive. Perfect.

(Oh, btw: I got an "A" in my theatre history class - the one for which I was frantically writing that paper. I'm beyond-words happy. :))